KEITH DOWNING’S A PUNK ROCKER

Bobby Smith brings us the Inside Story of the Wolves A Load of Bull issue 15.  

Back in the day it was so simple. The football player profiled in the Wolves programme was asked; ‘Who is your favourite singer or band?’ They would invariably reply: ‘George Benson,’ or ‘Phil Collins.’ Truly, this happened for just about every player. I used to yearn for someone to say: ‘I was always a big fan of The Damned,’ or some other relatively well-known punk band. 

Luckily, my yearning had an end result, as Wolves did have an ace up their sleeves, who refused to conform to the stereotype. That player was Robert Kelly, a skilful midfielder who played with some distinction in a career that was blighted by injury. For the period 1986-1989 he turned out 16 times for the old Gold, leaving behind more than just a hard luck story and a vague recollection of his cultured passing. 

I read in the match programme that he liked ‘alternative’ music as it was then termed, a catch-all term which could mean anything from The Cure through to REM. However, this caught my eye, and I quickly penned a letter to Mr Kelly. A week later a very long hand-written reply appeared in the post from said player. I remember him raving about The Smiths and The Cocteau Twins, amongst others, which obviously did not impress me too much, as they were very poppy for my punk tuned ears. For a footballer, though, this was going out on a limb. I replied again and sent him a mixtape (ask your grandparents kids) of Deutschpunk for him to enjoy. He wrote back once more saying he did like it (so polite!) but couldn’t imagine it being played by Graham Turner in the dressing room! He also mentioned that he used to go to concerts in Birmingham with two other Wolves team-mates, Keith Downing and Timmy Steele, who shared his interest in the ‘alternative.’ 

That should have been the end of this little story, but fate then intervened. 

Dave Worton, the then editor of the A Load of Bull (ALOB) fanzine, was planning on doing a special edition of the zine, and either he or I suggested that I record a couple of Wolves themed songs, to go out free as a flexi disc in issue 15. Dave, apart from editing ALOB, also ran a small Leeds based record label, whilst I had been writing on the punk scene for many a year, so it was only natural for the two of us to collaborate on a Wolves project. As a result, I needed no second invitation and agreed forthwith. What should I write about, I pondered. Then it came to me… 

KEITH DOWNING’S A PUNK ROCKER. 

Remembering Robert’s letter I scribbled down some lyrics based upon the knowledge that Robert, and his mates, used to go to gigs together. I kind of nicked the riff from The Ramones Sheena is a Punk Rocker, and the A-side was born. 

The B-side was Black Country Boy – a love letter to Steve Bull that was based around a Peter & The Test Tube Babies track.    

I recorded both songs in a small flat in Edmonton, North London, in September 1991. It took an hour to do both, with me playing buzzsaw guitar and singing in a way that can only be described as Frank Spencer imitating Sid Vicious. Whatever, I was happy with the result and patiently waited for the issue to come out, which it duly did around Christmas 1991. Sadly, Wolves were having a rough patch at the time and manager Graham Turner was under some pressure from fans, with the result being that fisticuffs, in both the home and away ends, were seen as Wolves fans turned on each other. In a vain attempt to promote unity, Dave Worton produced issue 15 of the fanzine with two badges; ‘Turner Must Go’ on one and ‘Graham Turners Gold and Black Army’ on the other. The intention was to show how silly the rucking on the terraces was, but Wolves took it the wrong way and it caused a chasm to develop between fanzine and club, subsequently smoothed over. Poor old Mr Worton, he had turned into Jimmy Pursey, who had a similar problem with the Sham Army back in 1979. Like Jimmy, he just wanted the kids to be united! 

What I remember the most, however, is the reaction of the crowd to my recording. When we scored a goal, in the first match that issue 15 of the fanzine came out, many of the fans present took to throwing MY flexi disc up in the air, in wild celebration! Doubtless the cleaners that day must have wondered what was going on, as my best efforts to achieve musical fame and fortune were trampled on by the Hoi-polloi. 

I had the last laugh, though, as copies of ALOB issue 15 are now the rarest to find, especially those that still have my flexi disc attached to the cover via a thin piece of Sellotape. 

Even rarer, I suspect, is the one I got Bully to sign many years ago. He asked me; ‘What is this?’ I just replied, truthfully, ‘A song I recorded about you.’ He laughed and clearly did not believe me…